tonight is another sad night. but it's worse now because I'm not tired and I don't have a reason to sleep even though that's the fastest way for the night to pass painlessly. I don't know why I'm feeling so downtrodden when there's so much to be grateful for and happy about. I guess I'm just feeling especially uncertain. my thoughts are like the joints in my chest; lacking in fluidity. it's an extremely uncomfortable feeling. I just want flowers and some nice words.