a burlap week

because it's been rough. 

It's hard to believe that less than a week ago I had this fighting spirit in me that was determined to make each day of the new year even better than last year's.

Because even though the fighter in me is still there I think its health bar is starting to show signs of red.

Not too sure what really happened but along the week things were said, heard, seen and (mis)interpreted resulting in many waves of insecurities, hurts and pains flooding in. Every time I thought I had bravely withstood the crashing waters, another round would come rolling right in trying to tumble me off my feet.

Aside from all that mental/emotional stuff, it was also a week of physical torment. I'm trying my best not to exaggerate over here but following sat night's sleepover at pulau ubin, my feet and legs were plagued (think 20 on each side) with such shit-ass sandfly bites that for three nights I woke up at 3am just to scratch them.

1) scratching them is a huge mistake because it only makes them itchier and your skin becomes incredibly susceptible to breaking
2) an interrupted 6 hour sleep is almost as good as taking a 3 hour nap
3) I was on my period

yep, complaining about this whole thing here because I don't think people should bear to hear me spout this crap in real life. except maybe my siblings because I complained to them a lot about this in our whatsapp group.

Hmm and since school reopened, I've been beginning to feel it take its toil on me (why?! the term only just started!!!). Following what was an almost straight 7-hour work day in the radio DAW studio with janene and a a short cf exco meeting at night, I decided to give myself a short break after coming home and focused on making a birthday card and playing the guitar.


I initially took the guitar out to strum a little sam smith (because I was in the mood) but gravitated towards the chord book shortly after my attempt to sing 'latch' left me feeling a bit too try-hard. Usually there'll be a few songs for me to focus practicing on for guitar classes but in the recent weeks I've been free-styling a little basically choosing whichever songs I felt like playing.

Tonight, a few songs and lyrics stood out to me:

As We Worship
As we worship You, let all this joy that fills our hearts bring a hunger and a hope to those who've strayed so far 

As we worship You, may all the lost and broken come. May they hear Your still small voice call out their names, each one.

He Will Come and Save You
Say to those who are broken hearted, do not lose your faith. The Lord, your God, is strong, and with His loving arms when you call on His name, He will come and save

Say to the weary one, your God will surely come, He will come and save you

Hide Me in the Shelter
Hide me in the shelter of Your love, deep in the centre of Your heart my Lord how I want to know You more

Keep me in the shadow of Your wings, safe in the secret place of holiness how I need You more and more 

My personal struggles, hearing of friends hurting, watching documentaries on discrimination and cruelty during class, seeing a man struggle to even walk to the bus stop...all this made my heart heavy in the past week but the songs I was drawn to singing and playing alongside the reading of the bible have further instilled in me a greater hope that one day all this pain and suffering will cease.

"You know what's the most important thing? It's not about how well you sing or anything like that. The most important thing is that you stay faithful."