she said to me

it seems like each week overthrows the previous one in being 'the shittiest/busiest week ever'

had ACES day/teachers' day celebration today which made the 10 minutes after i put my phone to sleep last night extremely sleepless for me. i felt so uneasy i had to look at my adventure time poster all the way till my body gave in 

was in the ISH safety-refereeing the sec 4/5s' game of quidditch which basically meant i went walking around laughing at people because that's all i did. headed to the hall once that ended to round everyone up to start rehearsals. there was so much to settle with attendance, attire, music and everything else i feel bad having shouted at everyone even though they were just as nervous as i was 

moments leading up to our performance i was having moments of blackout - forgetting all my lines and cues but i guess the adrenaline kicked in and i told the club "don't worry about what the audience thinks of our performance. don't be self conscious like when you do your pose they're going to think you're a slut of something. do this for ms thee, mrs lehming and ms wong" 

it was nerve-wrecking on stage. sure i've emcee-d, performed skits and done other presentations before but there is a never dying fear of screwing up. also i have this horrible horrible thing where i shake when i'm nervous. i try so hard to control it but unless i really feel calm at heart, i can't stop shaking 

i shaked throughout the whole time we were up on stage 

holding annabel's hand towards the end i felt a little helpless trembling but soon it was over 

the moment it ended and i headed backstage, i see samanta there crying so hard because she blanked out. everyone swarmed around her to tell her "it was alright" and then the next time i saw her ms tnee was equating beside her comforting her with the most reassuring look in her eyes and then i starting crying 

i couldn't stop, went into the toilet and told jiamin "i have such a horrible obvious crying face what the shit" and then after i went out, ms tnee talked to us again and then shit started dripping off my face again 

i don't understand how some people can be so cruel as to just shout as they wish at the performers on stage 

i don't understand why we get so much hate 

i don't understand why our flaws seem to be the easiest to pick out 

i don't think people understand what drama club does

we're not all about the fluff and we go through such emotional shit all the time. life isn't as easy as just getting a script and reading lines off a piece of paper. it isn't just about doing what the instructor says to do. you have to dig much deeper and stop judging from things at surface level 

let me just say that we got our finalised script on tuesday and there were changes all the way till today so don't mind if i say it but i think we did bloody well 

OKAY apart from all this (heh sorry), headed to foodfare for lunch with chongray and then watched cloudy with a chance of meatballs at his place (: cartoons make me super duper happy! it is a really interesting movie and i shall try to catch the second instalment when it comes out hehe also super happy that i got froyo after that yay yay! 

heading to china the from saturday to wednesday so boohoo i'll miss the boyfriend so much ): missing out on el olam's first cell retreat too ): and two-hour bio remedial on wednesday ):

sorry i sound so terrible in this post